Writing Projects

Here is a link to the first drift chapter of a fictional book I am currently writing called "The testing of Erasmus Gielgud"

It's a fantasy tale about a young undertaker who dreams of becoming a famous actor. It deals with death and madness in a tongue in cheek sort of a way. Like Game of Thrones meets Red Dwarf.

Below are a number of fashion and lifestyle articles I wrote for former online magazine fashion156.com between 2006 and 2007

by John Hoad. First 11.02.07 

What am I going to wear for fashion week? As I write it is less than 5 days away. I’ve gone and left it too late. I am going to have to dig around in my wardrobe all weekend. God forbid that I don’t look fashionable. You've all seen "Ugly Betty" haven’t you?

One thing I learnt when I moved down to London is how to be inventive when it came to dressing. Long gone are the days when I would receive my monthly wage and all I'd have to give my mum was a couple of pounds and a kiss on the cheek. The times of blowing a month's pay on some McQueen or Galliano are gone. I am having to start the Dries Van Oxfam look.

Some of the London Fashion Week crowd are supposedly like a pack of wolves ready to rip you and your outfit to shreds (metaphorically, I hope). But so far the people I have met haven’t been that bad. I am sure I'll be o.k. in my second-hand finds. One thing about wearing vintage is no-one else is going to be wearing the same thing (unless the donated clothing was from twins). I also feel that there is a timeless elegance to vintage and the fact that the clothing once belonged in the past makes it even more appealing. 

I am going to stick with my charity shop finds. It’s not like I have a choice anyway. The shows and parties can be a little pretentious (o.k. a lot) but they are enjoyable if you keep your feet on the ground. Many of the things people will be wearing will have been given to them anyway. I am going to wear my vintage black jacket that goes with anything. Funnily enough, there is a man in my local who still swears that it’s Dior. I think that the U.S. rock band, Queens Of The Stone Age, put it best when they named one of their songs “You Think I Ain't Worth a Dollar, But I Feel Like a Millionaire”. Now I am not suggesting that anyone thinks I am worthless but you can’t say that it isn’t a good title. It’s all a case of not what you wear, but how you wear it.

by John Hoad. First Published 29.1.07 

It is normal in the world of fashion for people to wear sunglasses at night. Corey Hart even wrote a song about it in the eighties. There is something enigmatic about someone in sunglasses. From Jackie O to James Dean, sunglasses add an element of mystery and excitement. But at the men’s fashion weeks for S/S 07 there was a more practical reason why the fashion glitterati kept their Prada wraparounds on all week long. It was the bright explosion of colours.

It was like a fashion cannon had been set off in a Dulux factory. Jil Sander, Burberry Prorsum and Prada chose bright acidic colours for their clothing. Electric blue, sun bright orange and acid green were all shinning bright on the catwalks along with gold’s and metallic. The vibe is very modern and futuristic and the new wave of Club Kids around London are really pushing the look. Check outwww,dirtydirtydancing to see what I mean.

Now far from it for me to stray from my dandyish image and start to go all Club Kid (I was there first time around, until they closed Gatecrasher that is, then I awoke from my glow-sticked nightmare and went back to my roll and rock) but I do like the idea. The trick to the look is to wear clashing bright colours and metallics. I am not really going to go for it head to toe but am going to buy things like the Jil Sander orange short-sleeved shirt. I'll probably button it up all the way and dress it under a black jacket with some clashing purple Dexter Wong jeans from www.twoseelife.com . I am still getting involved but not being too much of a victim. As always, I am sticking to my long held belief, which is to take the current trends and work them into your own wardrobe. You don’t want to end up looking like an extra from Tron. See you all at Boombox...

by John Hoad. First published 16.01.07. 

For today's youth, dressing up never seemed so important. And it is not necessarily the buying of expensive designer gear or the latest pair of trainers either. In fact it doesn't even seem to be about spending great deals of money. It all seems to be in the time and effort which men are taking to present themselves. The devil really is in the detail. This is not the first time I have written about the “Dandyism” trend. And it is well known amongst my peers that I like to think of myself as one. Fashion, music, T.V. the chaps are all beginning to shun the modern day world with its chain coffee shops and flat-pack furniture and look to the finer things in life. Clothing, food, drink and male grooming are all values to which they (or dare I say we) hold dear. But anyone can wear a silk scarf. So how does one move from a Dandy to a Gent? Its all in the manners and behaviour. 

They cost nothing and there are ten to which I always try to adhere:

 Remember please and thank you. Small words but you should never forget them 

• Always let the lady order first at dinner, tell her she looks nice and pay the bill. Women are terrible at taking compliments but they will be terribly flattered. 

• Training shoes are for the gym and for the gym only. The younger gent can get away with wearing converse. He has The Stokes to thank for that one. 

• Always iron your shirt and press your trousers and always see a trusted hairdresser.

• The suit jacket and combat trouser combo was officially made illegal somewhere at the start of 2001. 

• Ignorance is never bliss. Read the papers. A true chap needs to keep abreast of current affairs. 

• Try to avoid any food stuffs which say “oven ready”. 

• Always open doors for people and give up your seat on public transport to those least able than you.

• While it is perfectly fine for a Gent to "make merry" he should not get too drunk as this is the way of the common thug. And besides, La Stella Artois is a difficult stain to remove from ones dinner shirt.

Try to adhere to these rules, they are not too hard to follow and no amount of money can buy class. As Clarence Thomas, a Justice at Supreme Court of the United States once said "Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot."

by John Hoad. First published 16.01.07 

“Congratulations on your new job. Welcome to the firm. I started here when I was your age”. Just as you stretch your arm out to shake his hand he spots it. It’s no use now. “Oh... err... I hope you settle in well, err, and don’t be afraid of asking any, any questions”. Its no good, he cannot stop staring at the cuff of your jacket. It is terribly thread-bear and your hand sticks out too much. Well you have had it for five years….

Buying your suit takes preparation. The key questions you should be asking yourself are..

• What is the work place like? Traditional and classic or young and directional.

• What is your budget?

• Off the peg or bespoke?

• Do you need shoes or do you own a good pair already? Your shoes and suit MUST match. (If you work in the media you’ll probably be wearing trainers, so ignore this point) 

• What colours do you like? Navies, greys, browns etc ?

• Plain, checks or pinstripes ?


After deciding on these points you need to give yourself time. It is no good rushing around because you need to find the suit that is right for you. If you can afford it, go bespoke. This is where you visit a tailor and discuss the requirements of the suit and then you book a number of appointments and the suit is made for you and your body shape. The second option is an “off the peg” suit. This is where you visit a tailor and choose one of the ready to wear suits. There are a number of alterations that they can do to the suit, like taking up the trousers and taking in/letting out the waist etc so if are not “model size” you still can have a suit that is to your measurements. Have a look at www.savilerow.com for a complete list of tailors who can provide both bespoke and off the peg. Never compromise with a suit. A good one will last you years and will be the perfect attire for climbing corporate ladders....
 

by John Hoad. First published 8.1.07 

By now the sales will be in full swing. The post Christmas army of shoppers will have cleaned out the stores like a plague of locust on an African cornfield. Fights will have broken out, tears will have been shed and clothing will have been ripped. It makes you wonder why people bother. But to a seasoned sale shopper, there is method to this madness.

Sales are great. Sales are useful. Sales mean that people who don't normally buy designer clothing can have access to it. I have always believed in variety in your wardrobe, mixing in designer with high-street and vintage. Not everyone can wear designer head to toe andeveryone can pay full price for it. Sales allow you to add a designer element to your wardrobe, making your bank manger as happy as you will be.

First thing to do is play the waiting game. Do not go in the department stores for at least a week. I see it every sale time. People grabbing everything like a bunch of looters. Endless queues at the fitting rooms and tills. People everywhere. It’s like a scene from Dante’s Inferno. Don’t do it to yourself.

Most stores have “Further Mark-downs” meaning that the current season (AW06 in this case) will now go down even more after the first week or so. So all the crowds that charged in at the start cleared it out a bit for you. Now is the time to plan next season’s wardrobe and before you set off, ask yourself what you really need? A new work suit, a new Jacket, some vest tops? Look at www.men.style.com to see what is big for next season and what you can carry over. Don’t come back with a load of stuff that you will never wear.

I always go for classics, never the trend led pieces. It is the start of the season when you should have bought them, not the end. Dries Van Noten, Martin Margiela and Vivienne Westwood always have pieces in their collection that you mix with the seasons of the past. Also look for John Smedley, Nigel Hall and Nicole Farhi for staple basics.

Take time and think about what you are doing. Stay focused and avoid buying just for the sake of it. And I will leave you with one last piece of advice. Its called an under £25 pound rail for a reason. I have two bright coloured shirts in my wardrobe that I will never wear. They still even have their price tags on….

by John Hoad. First published 27.12.06 

With the nu rave look gaining momentum, the cool kids around the clubs of London Town are looking towards a more classic edge to keep on top. They have started off a trend that maybe better known for prom nights or after dinner speeches: the wearing of cummerbunds.

Styles in all colours and prints are finding themselves wrapped around the waists of the young kids coming out of Old Street station. Even the girls are getting in on the act, leaving the wide belts at home and cinching in their waists with a vintage liberty print number from Camden Market.

People seem to be wearing the cummerbund mostly in an informal way, dressing them with their jeans and vintage rock tees and then sticking a suit jacket over the top. Others are choosing the slightly more formal approach, adding a nice ironed shirt and a handkerchief sitting smartly in their jacket pocket. But in all cases it is still worn over jeans as the idea is not to look too dressed up. It’s a simple move that adds a little sharpness to a outfit and I for one am always glad to see ideas from the past mixed in with contemporary style.It is the vintage cummerbunds that seem to be the most popular. They can be found in vintage stores like Rokit or Beyond Retro, as well as the markets around north and east London. And retailing at around a tenner, it seems a small price for a bit of old world glam.

by John Hoad. First published 10/12/06. 

Soho, London 1885. In a drawing room, on the first floor of a gentleman’s club, stands a small group of elegantly dressed men. They are all stood together, drinks in hand, laughing out loudly at each other’s witticisms and discussing the success of one of the men’s plays. The fire crackles and the young man behind the bar serves another round of ports. Suddenly the door opens and in walks an incredibly well presented man.

“James” shouts one of the men. “Thought you’d finally join us?”

The man takes off his dark green velvet tailcoat, with it’s sprinkling of snow, and hangs it with the rest of the equally luxurious coats. Turning around to face the group he reveals a beautiful liberty print silk cravat and matching handkerchief. “My god James, I wish I had worn that.” The man smiles "You will Oscar, you will".

The dandy has always been a favourite look of mine. It has a true British heritage that has inspired so many designers. The Dandy was first spotted in the revolutionary 1790s in both London and Paris and they flourished around the end of the 1800s. They had a love of fine clothing, food and wine and had a highly sophisticated handle on the queen's English. Their manners were impeccable and they really knew how to address a lady. Anyone who broke the rules of etiquette was branded a cad or bounder.

Today the look is a lot more modern. It can be worked into every day wear. Also now that it is the time of the Christmas party, so why not take some ideas from the Dandies of old? I for one am very fond of Handkerchiefs. They can instantly add a touch of character to a suit jacket. Also cravats and scarves add foppish, rugged charm to an outfit. 21st Dandyism can be spotted in the music scene. Look towards the Kaiser Chiefs, Franz Ferdinand and The Young Knives for examples, as well as the bands they "borrowed" their ideas from, like Pulp, Menswear and The Smiths.

Skinny ties, velvet jackets, corsages, tailcoats, medals, cummerbunds, it is really about dressing up what you already have. By just accessorizing you can tip towards the Dandy. So just spend a little more time and money on an outfit for maximum returns. After all it was one of the great Dandies themselves, Oscar Wilde, who said “Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.”

by John Hoad. First published 4/12/06 

Denim never goes away. It has always had a cool factor which none of the other fabrics seem to possess. From a young James Dean in “Rebel Without a Cause” to a ripped jean wearing Kurt Cobain screaming at a bunch of grungy Reading festival goers, jeans have been the choice of the rebel youth. And one new trend which has sprung up around the gigs and clubs of London is red denim.

With its roots firmly set in the Art rock-punk movement of the early eighties, this is a trend which is full to its “two fingers pointing” brim with rock attitude. The skinny jean trend is still here, despite its recent over -exposure. But while fashion comes and goes, style will always remain.

The main compliment for wearing red denim is a rock attitude. Its not an easy look to pull off. If you do not feel confident, the look will just crumble, and your face will be as red as the denim you’ve wrapped your spindly legs in. The best way to wear it is to dress everything around it. Choose black or white shirts or t-shirts as red is a fiery customer who will not sit quietly with any other colour. Also a good look is black or white suit jacket for the real art school dropout.

Red denim can be found is stores such as Topman and All Saints, but the best on the market are Sweden based Cheap Mondays as they are a good cut and as the name suggests, the are cheap! You can pick these up from Urban Outfitters or buy them online from their website

The famous punk hang out “CB GB” in New York, may have closed its beer stained doors last week, but the punk’s style never goes down. As the old punk saying goes “It’s about being sixteen and saying no.”

by John Hoad, first published 23/11/06 

In a smoke filled room in London, somewhere near the start of the 80s, a group of young punks stand, pints in hand, at the front of the stage, sneering at a group of beautiful looking boys who are dressed to the nines. The boys, lapping up the attention in their mum’s freshly stolen eyeliner, earrings catching the lights, swap tips on where to buy the best lace. The Jamaican boys, in ripped Bob Marley t-shirts and dreadlocks; drink long and hard at cans of beer they have sneaked in. 

The lights fall and the room is plunged into darkness. “Come on then!” shouts one of the crowd. A spot light illuminates a lone figure - dressed head to toe in a Pirate outfit from a young upstart called Vivienne - graces the stage. His face lights up and he appears to have a white stripe across it. Smiling at the now growing hostile crowd, he shouts out. “Stand And Deliver!” The crowd scream. Some one throws a beer can towards the stage. It lands just by the singer’s feet. He looks down and with the same smile raises his leg and kicks it back. And there they see it, all slouched leather and buckles, the Vivienne Westwood Pirate Boot.

Vivienne Westwood is a true national treasure. She is the loud, sneering, anarchic jewel at the top of England’s fashion crown. A real one-off, a real master of her arts. She takes the classics like Harris Tweed field jackets and John Smedly twin sets and puts them through the looking glass. But the one item which is a staple classic is the Pirate Boot, first seen at her A/W collection in 81, aptly titled “Pirate”. It soon became the boot of choice for the new romantic. It started of in squiggly patterned leather and then became available in a number of colours, mainly Brick Red, Beige Suede, Brown and Black. It has carried though the collections to the present day. Made to order from the boutiques, you can wait 4 to 5 long weeks for these swashbucklers.

My love affair with them started back just after the start of the 2000s in my home town of Leeds. The boots were really only reserved for the girls, but never ones for staying in our own gender issued straight jackets, we would often visit the Westwood boutique for clothing for the clubs. Anyhow, in the clubs we all frequented, it was hard to tell the boys from the girls. And in one club in particular, Pigs, you could not even get to use the boys toilets because they were all in there, trying to get to the mirror to reapply the lip-gloss.

My first pair were brick red and my second were black and have worn them both to death (I did buy a pair of the riding style boot ones but, along with the much copied heeled version, I feel they are quite literally stepping in the wrong direction). If only those boots could talk! Many a tale of rock club toilets and open all hour petrol stations. I always remember opening the boxes for the first time. The smell of the new leather, the shine of the new buckles and the promise of good times. But as with all treasured items, you need to look after them with care. And do not make the same mistake that I made and wear them to see Slayer.

by John Hoad. First published 23.11.06

The rain is beating hard at my window. I am only just beginning to wake up. Glancing out my window, all I can see is dark cloud after dark cloud. The rain starts to get heavier, banging on the roof outside like a thousand little drummer boys. Jack Frost sits quietly at the end of my bed, staring at me, his icy breathe flowing through jagged teeth. I have about half an hour before I will have to start getting up for work. After the normal rituals of getting ready, the shower and brushing of my teeth comes the choosing of my outfit. Opening the badly painted doors to my wardrobe, I smile to myself. “Wait till they get a load of me......”

I have always been into fashion in a big way. Saving up for, or more likely getting into the red for, the latest designer garments. I spend my spare time searching high and low for vintage pieces to integrate into my wardrobe. I am also out twice yearly, sweeping the sales to pick up the pieces that no one got that season (both literarily and conceptually). But one of the things that always fascinates me is the sense of escapism which clothing can bring.

One school of thought on the idea, regarding retro styling especially, is that it is a backlash against today’s society. Do people want to go back to a simpler time? A more romantic time? A time like when my Father would work all week to buy a new suit so he could take my Mother out dancing? Or do people want to mfuture? To embrace tomorrow? Is this why we buy into fashion, for escapism?